Scary Moments

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion and turmoil for me, I don't even really know where to start...

Four weeks ago I got back from a camping trip and felt very weak in the legs. I didn't really think much of it until I started limping because the left one was so weak. Then one morning I wake up to find my right leg numb from the knee down, I was terrified. Thankfully, Robin was able to get me in to see the doctor she works with. He ran a bunch of blood tests and took an x-ray of my spine. He couldn't find anything definitive but thought it might be a spinal injury as my legs were affected the way they were. He was going to schedule MRI's, however, by the time the weekend was over, the numbness had moved up my entire right leg and he didn't want to risk waiting. I was admitted to the hospital on June 2nd for two days. While there, they drew blood almost continuously, did an MRI of my brain, upper spinal cord, and lower spinal cord twice, once without the contrast dye and once with. The doctor found a lesion on my 9th vertebrae, but nothing on my brain, which was a relief. But now they needed to test my spinal fluid, so a spinal tap followed...Ouch!! It was painful, but I survived! Before being released I also had a chest x-ray. Over the next few weeks I tested negative for everything I could possibly think of. And after being released from the hospital my left side also became numb, which I was worried about at first but after speaking to the Neurologist he assured me anything two to three inches above my belly button (which is where that vertebrae is located) could be affected.

So right now they are calling my condition transverse myelitis, which is an inflammation of the spinal cord that can be caused from an injury or an infection. With me, because I tested negative for a great deal of infections, they say they may never know what caused it. But the possibility that this is my first presentation of MS is there. I'm trying so hard to stay positive about this because I know it will help the outcome, but I have my moments! From what I have read it says only a small percentage of people go on to get MS who are diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis. And I have also read that only a very small percentage of people who have no brain lesions and test negative for the MS bands panel from the spinal fluid go on to get MS. Which is good news, as I had no brain lesions and tested negative for the bands during my "attack" or "episode". I have been having blurred vision in my right eye, which has been very bothersome, but I also went and had this checked. My eye doctor was great and ran all the MS tests he could and I tested negative on those as well!!! So I really think this is all very good news!! And I have to continue to tell myself this on a daily basis, because it can be difficult. There are moments where it is just so apparent what could be happening...Last night Scott put his hand on my side as we were falling asleep and I couldn't feel it. It nearly broke my heart, but then I had to remind myself that knowing it was there was enough for me. And I have gained full feeling and strength back in my legs, so I could regain feeling in my side...

I think what is difficult for me right now is the unknown. As much as the tests are coming back positively, I still have to accept they aren't definitive and every case is different. The waiting is also tough. I will have to be monitored and have MRI's to watch to see if I have anymore lesions appear. I've got to stay hopeful...And I'm trying. Everyday...It has also reminded me how lucky I am to have my life. And to have the support of a wonderful family and amazing friends! I don't know how I would have made it through these last few weeks without them. I love them...