...are the two things that kept me up last night. The division orders are a work issue that I have been trying to work through for a few years now. Last night I finally made a decision to take the "bull by the horns" in a sense and get this problem solved. And it is really a topic that is entirely too boring to discuss, so I won't.
...now houseplants is another issue. Almost two years ago my mom got me this little houseplant that she brought to me during my hospital stay. And I know this might sound crazy, but ever since I brought that plant home I have been trying to keep it alive. I don't know why but I felt like if I let this plant die, I would have another attack and my fate would be sealed. The flower didn't last long, but I managed to keep the plant part in a mostly barely hanging on sort of way, but it was still green and growing. I've been thinking a lot about this plant lately, mostly because I sent it home with mom a few months ago, and to be honest, I'm guessing it didn't make it. I'm actually quite surprised it lasted as long as it did, I do not have a green thumb. But with the fate of the plant, and my two year anniversary of my TM diagnosis quickly approaching I've been thinking about fate a lot.
Ever since I received the diagnosis I have had this little monkey riding around on my back. The last six months or so she has been really quiet. Only reminding me of her presence occasionally through what I have found to be termed neuropathic pain. Which in my case has luckily not really been pain, but comes in the form of tight banding on my left side, burning sensations in my right leg, both leg weakness, and occasionally I just can't feel my right foot when I step into a hot shower. So she is still there, still remindng me what I have been through and what I could eventually face. I know that making it two years is huge! A large percentage of TM sufferers who go on to develop MS do so within the first two years, a smaller percentage in the first five after a first attack. So come May I will have made a huge step towards ditching this monkey completely. But I would be lying if there weren't days where my head just felt fuzzy, where I couldn't remember if I had sent an email or what I had done the week or year before, or my legs just didn't feel like they were on my team. And it is these days that I wonder if this monkey is really just my women's intuition trying to help soften the blow that may come.
So I am nervous, and have found myself wallowing in my own self pity the last few weeks. But last night as I tossed and turned worrying about houseplants and division orders, I found myself realizing something thanks to my amazing husband (and he didn't even realize it). He woke in a half sleep talking about our windows. To him, with the help of whatever he had been dreaming about, they looked like grain elevators. It made me laugh and right then I realized, I'm so very lucky. It could be so much worse, and so many people deal with worse every single day. Today, I have my amazing husband, a family that I love and loves me in return, I have my health (even if it isn't totally perfect), and I am happy.
I am alive, and well...and I will be just fine.
And I have had some time to get some girl time! Spent opening day with some of my favorite people that I really don't get to see enough! But I will be working on that!
Spent a day in Greeley with the girlies for yet another baby shower (I kind of feel like the world is trying to tell me something)! And it wouldn't have been an official trip to Greeley without lunch at Roma's. I seriously LOVE my friends!
Other than that, life has been crazy! We are ripping out the backyard so I have spent the last week moving rock (gag), and pulling weeds! We are days away from an office move which I am SO ready to be done with. So I hate to wish away time, but I will be so happy when next Wednesday rolls around!!!
.JPG)
